Hi, I'm Marisa đ
Sometimes I feel like I'm pretending. Don't we all? Avoiding authenticity as a defense mechanism or coping tactic to survive in a society that conditions us to be someone. Classic human. In 2020, amidst the never-ending anxiety and over-purchasing of hand sanitizer/Lysol wipes/face masks/shields, I created a podcast called Undefined (naturally came up with the name during a soundbath...totally on brand and not surprising to anyone who knows me), which transitioned into this Substack newsletter.
Undefined became The Undefined Mother after I had a baby and societyâs definitions of me scrambled yet again. Lawyer. Partner. Friend. Woman with her own interests, her own time, her own identity suddenly became secondary.
Enter motherhood. Good mom. Bad mom. Working mom. The mom who isnât doing enough. The mom whoâs doing too much. A mom on top of all the other things. Who was I? Where was I?
When I went back to work after maternity leave, I walked into the same office, the same Zoom meetings, the same conversationsâexcept now they sounded like Charlie Brownâs teacher. Wah wah wah wah. (this literally happened on a zoom once). Nothing about the world had changed, but I had been completely reconfigured from the inside out. Yet I was supposed to just fit this altered version of myself back into my old life, like nothing seismic had occurred.
The Undefined Mother is my exploration of identity in the midst of motherhoodâthe messy, beautiful, most awe-inspiring reconfiguration that happens when you become someoneâs parent while trying to remain yourself. I write to investigate this space in the in between. In between who we were, who weâre told to be, and who weâre becoming.
As a lawyer, Iâm trained to investigate facts and form opinions, judgments, living in the brain. But motherhood lives in the feelingsâthe parts we rarely talk about. The identity crisis at 3am. The anger. The grief. The guilt. But also the joy, the awe, and the love that breaks through.
I write for those who:
Want permission to be messy, uncertain, and still figuring it out
Are searching for authenticity in a world full of âshouldsâ
May be grieving parts of themselves or struggling to step into their new selves
And those who want meaningful stories of toddlers, parenthood, and partnership that contain lessons amidst humor
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