Welcome to The Undefined Mother

Where I explore the messiness of our definitions

Hi! Thank you for subscribing - it is so good to have you here! I’ve recently refined the name of my Substack (previously The Undefined) to now, The Undefined Mother. Allow me to reintroduce myself…

Welcome to The Undefined Mother! 👋

Undefined became The Undefined Mother after I had a baby and society’s definitions of me scrambled yet again. Lawyer. Partner. Friend. Writer(?). Woman with her own interests, her own time, her own identity suddenly became secondary.

Enter motherhood. Good mom. Bad mom. Working mom. The mom who isn’t doing enough. The mom who’s doing too much. A mom on top of all the other things. Who am I? Where am I?

When I went back to work after maternity leave, I walked into the same office, the same Zoom meetings, the same conversations—except now they sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher. Wah wah wah wah. (this literally happened on a zoom once). Nothing about the world had changed, but I had been completely reconfigured from the inside out. Yet I was supposed to just fit this altered version of myself back into my old life, like nothing seismic had occurred.

The Undefined Mother is my exploration of identity in the midst of motherhood—the messy, beautiful, most awe-inspiring reconfiguration that happens when you become someone’s parent while trying to remain yourself. I write to investigate this space in the in between. In between who we were, who we’re told to be, and who we’re becoming.

As a lawyer, I’m trained to investigate facts and form opinions, judgments, living in the brain. But motherhood lives in the feelings—the parts we rarely talk about. The identity crisis at 3am. The anger. The grief. The guilt. But also the joy, the awe, and the love that breaks through.

I write for those who:

• Want permission to be messy, uncertain, and still figuring it out

• Are searching for authenticity in a world full of “shoulds”

• May be grieving parts of themselves or struggling to step into their new selves

• And those who want meaningful stories of toddlers, parenthood, and partnership that contain lessons amidst humor

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If you want to know a bit more about me, you can visit me on LinkedIn (yes, I’m a lawyer), follow me on instagram (very new, not sure how to use it, 5 years after deleting my account), or check out my photography.

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Some housekeeping…

Now, because I am somewhat attuned to the legalities of e-mail subscriber lists, you can stop hearing from me by clicking the tiny little text that says, "unsubscribe," at the bottom of this beautiful e-mail that you will be so sad to never see again.

If you've made it this far, I hope you'll continue to allow me to pop in every now and then. Also, I appreciate any and all feedback...i.e., tell me if you think this isn't fun to read.

Thanks again, and please tell a few friends if you feel like it.