Thank you, Ms. Rachel

For helping me sit with needles in my body

Something transformative happened. C’s school was closed for Veterans Day, Jonathan was traveling, my parents were also traveling, and my other childcare options weren’t available. I had five meetings, two days before a week-long vacation, in a busy period at work. Before I knew Jonathan would be traveling, I scheduled an acupuncture appointment at a time he would otherwise be available to care for C. This appointment felt important and instead of canceling, I brought her with me.

My acupuncturist ensured she was welcome and I caveated that this may be a complete disaster. I would be laying on a raised bed with needles sticking in various body parts. But I decided to see how it would go.

I feel the need to justify any screen time (if you don’t feel that need, good for you, not sure how that’s possible with constant warnings that any screen time whatsoever will make a baby’s language development “delayed”). This screen time was under 1 hour — approximately 45 minutes — and 1) I had no idea whether it would work to keep C occupied; 2) it was educational and Ms. Rachel pronounces words, with close-ups on her mouth; 3) I had survived the entire workday with C at home without screens; 4) I genuinely think Ms. Rachel in small doses when she’s home sick from school and I’m at my wits end helped advance C’s language development; and 5) I figured a relaxed mom is more beneficial than the detriment 45 minutes of screen time will have on my babbling toddler. Leave it to the lawyer to assess risk.

I set C up with her little headphones, Ms. Rachel (“wutchl”) on the iPad, and a Tupperware full of snacks, on a cozy chair inside the treatment room. I removed my socks, climbed on the heated table, allowed the warmth to soak in, and listened as my acupuncturist explained how to take the needles out myself if I needed to get up (to tend to C). What could go wrong?

C sat. Watching Ms. Rachel. For. The. Entire. 45 minutes.

Sometimes I would hear a giggle, or “bus, beep beep, mama” in reaction to her favorite scene, and I’d smile and nod with my eyes wide. “Yes, baby, bus!”

My acupuncturist checked in on me and said C’s hand was just resting inside her snack cup. Apparently she is a “tactile” little girl — hand in the snack cup playing with melties, hand folding a piece of paper, hand turning the pages of a board book in her lap, hand shifting around a tiny paper cup from the waiting room.

When it was time to leave, I asked C to say goodbye to Ms. Rachel and she blew her a kiss. Then I took the iPad and there was no screaming.

I realized that the narratives I was creating in advance of this appointment — how it could be ruined, money wasted, cut short, etc. — almost limited me to the point of canceling. I realized I didn’t enter the situation trusting that C would be able to wait and occupy herself. Yes, taking her with me was an incredibly risky choice and it could’ve ended terribly, but I had never done anything like that before so in reality, I had no idea how it would go. Sure, having childcare would’ve been ideal and I probably would’ve been able to fall asleep on the table, but that wasn’t my situation.

We so often don’t take the risk when the result could be a meltdown, or an experience not going how it was supposed to go. But sometimes — and yes, only sometimes — it is important to recognize the times when the judgment of whether to take the risk is coming from a place of fear. In my situation, the truth was that I had no idea how C would respond. I had never tried anything like this — it was literally the first time she wore these kids headphones.

So, what facts did I know? She loves Ms. Rachel, she loves snacks, she loves holding onto things, and she usually thrives if I support her independence. I also knew that she is a 16-month old who struggles to sit still for extended periods of time, especially when she gets bored. I tried to solve for the boredom by bringing one of her favorite books, this Lovevery bug velcro toy thing (apparently there is an expansion pack on Etsy), an iPad with Ms. Rachel pre-downloaded, blueberries, and a melty-puff snack combo.

But there were a lot that I didn’t know, including whether C is capable of sitting in one spot if she has toys and sees that mama is unavailable to hold her or play with her. It turns out, I was pleasantly surprised. And if I hadn’t given her a shot, if I hadn’t taken the risk, I would never have known.

[And profuse thank you to Ms. Rachel and her team, who seem to have a magical spell on my daughter that allows me 45 minutes of deep(ish) relaxation.]

---

On another note, I’ve been trying to bring more joy into my life through my skincare routine. Meet the trusted ice roller gua sha combo to energize you in the morning.

---